Not long after Charlie was born, I watched my first Nicholas Sparks movie.  Yes, it was The Notebook and yes, I cried.  That was the moment when I realized I had changed.  Gone were the days when I was immune to the power of sappy Hallmark commercials, saccharin country songs, and YouTube videos of adorable babies. It took me a couple years to accept this new reality, but I now I fully embrace it: I am sappy.

Thus, I was not surprised when this P&G film below about moms made me cry.  However, I need to explain that the tears were not about my efforts to transform my children into Olympians.  That is my husband’s job.  I cried because I am tired and coming off two weeks of witnessing herculean volunteers efforts by BCD moms (and yes, some dads).  The last two weeks felt like the pinnacle of my yearlong introduction into how volunteer power is critical to BCD.  Last week, there was faculty and staff appreciation week.  As I wrote in my last post, the kindness and generosity that went into that week was amazing.  Stephanie Iverson, Courtney McDonnell, the steering committee, class parents and the many other parents who contributed made this an amazing week.  Now, we are preparing for ArtSoiree and the efforts of Co-Chairs Donna Kittredge and Marianna Poutasse and their committee is inspiring.  At the same time, Annual Fund Co-Chairs Hilary Ferrone and Wendy O’Neil spent hours this week proofing, signing and stuffing letters. This comes after a yearlong effort by the two of them and their dedicated committee to raise money to support BCD.   Also, many board members have been spending large chunks of their days in committee meetings and preparing for Open Board Meeting next week.  BCD moms and dads donate so much of their life to BCD, and we notice.  On behalf of all of the students, faculty and staff, thank you.

And here is that sappy video that made me think of all of you…

Thank you to all of the parents who participated in Faculty and Staff Appreciation Week.  As a newbie to BCD, I was completely overwhelmed by the generosity and thoughtfulness that went into this week.  From yummy breakfast treats on Monday to the delicious dinners-to-go on Friday and every beautiful act in between, I am thankful not only for myself but for the entire faculty and staff.

As Director of Development, I claim the title Director of Gratitude. While most people may think my main job is to ask for money, I believe my most important job is to thank donors and to share the good news about what their gifts support.  Therefore, one of my most important accomplishments of the year was to help the BCD Board of Directors complete and pass a gift acceptance policy.  The policy was created to institutionalize how we care for gifts and donors.  The take-home message of the two-dozen-page document is that at BCD, we cherish each gift that is given, strive to make every donor feel appreciated, and promise to care for each gift over time.   This statement has long been true at BCD, but with the passage of this document, we have codified these values and promises.

Now that this policy has passed, we can continue to focus on improving our efforts to thank donors and to communicate the impact of their gifts.  I believe the School does a good job of thanking donors who give cash donations right now.  An area where we could improve is how we thank people for gifts of time, talent, and items.  Often, this is just because we don’t know these donations have happened.  This is one area where I need the community’s help.  When you or someone you know donates apples, books, tree-trimming, speech testing, or anything else to our school, send me a note.  Why?  Well, first of all, I want to say, “thank you”. BCD relies on the generosity of our community, and I recognize that this generosity comes in a myriad of forms.  My second reason is that I want to have a better record of the magnitude of philanthropy benefiting BCD.

Another area where we could improve with the help of our community is in how we communicate the impact of gifts.  I see the impact of the Annual Fund on a daily basis, but I know that my perspective is altered by my development-colored glasses.  I credit the Annual Fund for the many special moments of a BCD education.  For the Lower School, I thank the Annual Fund when I see students working with Kathy Clausen on their reading and writing.  I know that not every school has a special teacher dedicated to this subject.  I also see the benefits of the Annual Fund when I read the Latin awards.  There are so few schools left in the country that offer Latin.  BCD is fortunate to be one of them.  I also see the benefits of the ArtSoiree when I listen to discussions about Admissions.  I love to hear Alicia Rossie talk about her efforts to find the right students for each class, and how financial aid resources aid this endeavor.  I see the benefits of endowment in discussions of faculty salaries.  I see the impact of facilities gifts as we plan for the next round of updates to the campus.  While I see and experience these impacts, I know many of you do not.  On this, I ask for your help too.  Please let me know if there are ways to communicate the impact of gifts in more clear and meaningful ways.  I have adjusted to my development-colored view to such an extent that sometimes I need help sharing these insights with the greater community.

Thank you in advance for your help in nurturing a culture of philanthropy and gratitude at BCD.

My father-in-law is a professor of education.  My husband, mother and most of my friends are teachers.  I have worked at private schools for nine years.  Needless to say, I spend a LOT of time thinking and talking about teaching and learning.

That is why it surprises people when I admit that before this year, my attitude towards my own children’s education was that I hoped their schooling wouldn’t mess them up too much.  This isn’t because I had a terrible schooling experience.  In fact, it was mostly fine and sometimes excellent.  However, I spent the first several years of my son Charlie’s life hearing comments like “school may be hard for a kid like him,” or “he is so sensitive and creative that teachers and peers may not relate to him.”  Then, when Charlie started school, I dealt with weeks of tummy aches that were only alleviated when he wasn’t at school.  At the age of four, he was already declaring “I’m not that good at art, or math, or writing.”  After parent/teacher conferences, I often felt like his teachers were doing their best to simply deal with my child.

Flash forward to this year.  My confident 5-year-old boy thinks he can do anything.  We went to the Clark last week and as we left, he said, “I think I may have some of my art in the Clark someday.”  As we walked on the Williams Campus, he told me he just wasn’t sure if he would play hockey at Harvard or soccer at Williams.  Wha-at?  How did my nervous little child turn into this confident little man?

BCD and his teachers.  He now goes to a school where his teachers inspire the individual promise in him rather than just deal with him.  And they dedicate themselves to evaluating, measuring, and finding ways to be more inspiring.  How do I know this?  Well, that is one of the perks of working at BCD.  I get to listen, read and observe faculty discussions about these topics.  For example, today, the entire faculty gathered in groups to discuss how they could better educate our children.  These conversations are part of the two-year New England Association of Schools and Colleges (NEASC) accreditation process, but they are just the latest in a stream of these types of conversations.  Similar conversations happened during the strategic planning process several years ago.

I appreciate that at BCD our teachers are encouraged to become better educators themselves and to help BCD more fully reach our mission.  From conversations with friends and family, as well as my own experiences with previous schools, I know that these efforts are not always supported.  I am thankful that BCD makes time for teachers to discuss and imagine how to improve their work.

I am also personally inspired by the intelligence and thoughtfulness of BCD’s faculty.  Not only are they talented teachers in the classroom but they also have excellent ideas about how to improve the facilities, schedule, curriculum, and other elements of the School’s program.  And, most importantly, they are able to refocus administrators like me on what BCD is really about – inspiring the promise of each child.

And so, inspired by our teachers’ work, I am going into the final three months of the year with renewed energy and focus.  As development director, it is my job to find resources to support these great teachers efforts to inspire, rather than just deal, with each of our children.  I thank all of you who have joined this effort, and hope many more will join us.

Over the winter break, my family spent time with my mother-in-law, my parents, and my brothers’ family.  We had a fantastic time cooking, eating, playing, and catching up on each others’ lives.  When you don’t live in the same state or even the same time zone as your most treasured loved ones, these visits are needed to fill in the blanks that inevitably develop when you have only had phone and Skype conversations.

Over the last two years, a new conversation has been introduced into our family’s dialogue: The “If I Die” talk.  The first time my parents and I talked about topic, we were eating Thai food after a loved one’s funeral. The anticipation of this conversation caused much more anxiety than the actual exchange.  We talked about music selections (my dad loved the rousing rendition of “When the Saints Go Marching In” at my grandpa’s funeral), and discussed possible locations.  Then, we started talking about money.  This is where the conversation became the most interesting and meaningful.  My parents and I talked about their possible legacy – what causes and people they cared about, and what their estate might provide for each.  I hope my parents live to be healthy 104-year-olds and spend every last dime of their money but if they don’t, I am glad they will be able to leave a legacy.

This year, my parents told me they were going to update their will.  Their last version was when my brother and I were kids so our needs have changed.  This conversation led to a discussion of different planned giving tools – lead trusts, remainder trusts, etc.  My parents are opting for a simple percentage system, but it is always good to consider your options.

I recently added a planned giving section to the BCD website giving page.  It is a good place to start when you are considering your own or a loved ones’ legacy.  I hope to continue to add resources to this section over time. Another good resource is the Berkshire Taconic Community Foundation, as is your personal financial advisor.

I am the mother of Stella (2) and Charlie (5).  The former thinks everything is hers (“MINE!!”), and the latter is in a materialistic phase (“Why can’t I buy a new toy every day?”).  Thus, I spend a lot of time thinking about how to encourage my children to be more generous.  Yes, there is a good chance that they will grow out of these stages on their own.  However, I am not the kind of mom who is willing to leave things to chance.  I recently read an article on one of my favorite websites – Greater Good Science Center – called “Seven Tips for Fostering Generosity”.  Here are their tips with my own elaboration:

1. Communicate the value of giving.  Just like it is important to remind kids that vegetables are good for their bodies, it is important for us to remind kids that giving is good for the world.  BCD’s gift-giving program offered an opportunity for our family to discuss this. Charlie and I spent twenty minutes in the toy section at Marshall’s talking about why we needed to buy a toy for someone else instead of him.  I am not sure he got it, but I communicated.

2. Provide models of giving.  Kindness is contagious.  If your kids see you being generous, they will be too…sometimes.  Stella spends most of her day stealing toys from her brother and screaming “NOT YOURS. MINE,” but her consistent act of kindness is to help me make her daddy coffee in the morning.  I guess that is a start.

3. Get Personal. Kids (and grown-ups) don’t understand statistics but they can relate to individuals.  This is where I think volunteering is great.  For example, at Special Olympics, kids can get to know individual athletes and better understand the benefits of the program.

4. Be status conscious (but not too much). I am not sure about this one for kids. I have started by encouraging Stella and Charlie to appreciate people who are generous without judging those who are unable to give as freely.

5. Make people feel like they’re connected—locally and globally.  People give more to those they feel connected to so I have started talking to my kids more about the concept of community.

6. Volunteer in the neighborhood. Happy, helpful people make great neighbors and their helpfulness is contagious.  When I first moved into my home, my neighbors were generous and welcoming.  They set the standard for what neighbors should be like, and our family has stepped into line.  This has been a great way for my kids to think about small acts of kindness: sharing cookies, helping bring in groceries, or looking for someone’s cat. 

7. Say thank you! The article says this is the best thing you can do to foster gratitude so this is the tip we focus on the most.  Every night before we go to bed, we talk about our days and what we are thankful for.  Sometimes, the answer is “pudding” or “Dora,” but occasionally I get something more meaningful.  Tonight, when I asked Stella what she was thankful for, she sat up, pressed her nose against mine, and shouted, “MY MOMMY.”  That moment made all the less generous moments of the day melt away.

Michael Thompson is developing a new book – Homesick and Happy – through his blog. When I read it, I immediately thought of the fifth and sixth grade parents who are anxiously awaiting their students’ return tomorrow. He is writing about children’s experiences away from their parents and seeking to remind parents of the positive aspects of those times. Reading it gave me a new appreciation of BCD’s trips so I thought I would share it. They are yet another part of the BCD experience that my work in development supports.  His words may not make you stop missing your child, but they may remind you of why these trips are important.

Thank you to everyone who attended the first-annual High Spirits Parent Gathering on Saturday night. More than 90 parents enjoyed delicious food and great company. Can’t wait for next year!

Today is the first day of school.  Students are finding their place, learning new classmates’ names, and reconnecting with old friends. 

As Director of Development, I see it as my job to engender a feeling of philanthropy and gratitude.  I also see it as my job to educate our community about how philanthropy affects our school and our lives.  This year, I am going to use this blog for these purposes.  Most importantly, I hope to remind readers that philanthropy supports every moment of a BCD education.