Over the winter break, my family spent time with my mother-in-law, my parents, and my brothers’ family.  We had a fantastic time cooking, eating, playing, and catching up on each others’ lives.  When you don’t live in the same state or even the same time zone as your most treasured loved ones, these visits are needed to fill in the blanks that inevitably develop when you have only had phone and Skype conversations.

Over the last two years, a new conversation has been introduced into our family’s dialogue: The “If I Die” talk.  The first time my parents and I talked about topic, we were eating Thai food after a loved one’s funeral. The anticipation of this conversation caused much more anxiety than the actual exchange.  We talked about music selections (my dad loved the rousing rendition of “When the Saints Go Marching In” at my grandpa’s funeral), and discussed possible locations.  Then, we started talking about money.  This is where the conversation became the most interesting and meaningful.  My parents and I talked about their possible legacy – what causes and people they cared about, and what their estate might provide for each.  I hope my parents live to be healthy 104-year-olds and spend every last dime of their money but if they don’t, I am glad they will be able to leave a legacy.

This year, my parents told me they were going to update their will.  Their last version was when my brother and I were kids so our needs have changed.  This conversation led to a discussion of different planned giving tools – lead trusts, remainder trusts, etc.  My parents are opting for a simple percentage system, but it is always good to consider your options.

I recently added a planned giving section to the BCD website giving page.  It is a good place to start when you are considering your own or a loved ones’ legacy.  I hope to continue to add resources to this section over time. Another good resource is the Berkshire Taconic Community Foundation, as is your personal financial advisor.

I am the mother of Stella (2) and Charlie (5).  The former thinks everything is hers (“MINE!!”), and the latter is in a materialistic phase (“Why can’t I buy a new toy every day?”).  Thus, I spend a lot of time thinking about how to encourage my children to be more generous.  Yes, there is a good chance that they will grow out of these stages on their own.  However, I am not the kind of mom who is willing to leave things to chance.  I recently read an article on one of my favorite websites – Greater Good Science Center – called “Seven Tips for Fostering Generosity”.  Here are their tips with my own elaboration:

1. Communicate the value of giving.  Just like it is important to remind kids that vegetables are good for their bodies, it is important for us to remind kids that giving is good for the world.  BCD’s gift-giving program offered an opportunity for our family to discuss this. Charlie and I spent twenty minutes in the toy section at Marshall’s talking about why we needed to buy a toy for someone else instead of him.  I am not sure he got it, but I communicated.

2. Provide models of giving.  Kindness is contagious.  If your kids see you being generous, they will be too…sometimes.  Stella spends most of her day stealing toys from her brother and screaming “NOT YOURS. MINE,” but her consistent act of kindness is to help me make her daddy coffee in the morning.  I guess that is a start.

3. Get Personal. Kids (and grown-ups) don’t understand statistics but they can relate to individuals.  This is where I think volunteering is great.  For example, at Special Olympics, kids can get to know individual athletes and better understand the benefits of the program.

4. Be status conscious (but not too much). I am not sure about this one for kids. I have started by encouraging Stella and Charlie to appreciate people who are generous without judging those who are unable to give as freely.

5. Make people feel like they’re connected—locally and globally.  People give more to those they feel connected to so I have started talking to my kids more about the concept of community.

6. Volunteer in the neighborhood. Happy, helpful people make great neighbors and their helpfulness is contagious.  When I first moved into my home, my neighbors were generous and welcoming.  They set the standard for what neighbors should be like, and our family has stepped into line.  This has been a great way for my kids to think about small acts of kindness: sharing cookies, helping bring in groceries, or looking for someone’s cat. 

7. Say thank you! The article says this is the best thing you can do to foster gratitude so this is the tip we focus on the most.  Every night before we go to bed, we talk about our days and what we are thankful for.  Sometimes, the answer is “pudding” or “Dora,” but occasionally I get something more meaningful.  Tonight, when I asked Stella what she was thankful for, she sat up, pressed her nose against mine, and shouted, “MY MOMMY.”  That moment made all the less generous moments of the day melt away.

Michael Thompson is developing a new book – Homesick and Happy – through his blog. When I read it, I immediately thought of the fifth and sixth grade parents who are anxiously awaiting their students’ return tomorrow. He is writing about children’s experiences away from their parents and seeking to remind parents of the positive aspects of those times. Reading it gave me a new appreciation of BCD’s trips so I thought I would share it. They are yet another part of the BCD experience that my work in development supports.  His words may not make you stop missing your child, but they may remind you of why these trips are important.

Thank you to everyone who attended the first-annual High Spirits Parent Gathering on Saturday night. More than 90 parents enjoyed delicious food and great company. Can’t wait for next year!

Today is the first day of school.  Students are finding their place, learning new classmates’ names, and reconnecting with old friends. 

As Director of Development, I see it as my job to engender a feeling of philanthropy and gratitude.  I also see it as my job to educate our community about how philanthropy affects our school and our lives.  This year, I am going to use this blog for these purposes.  Most importantly, I hope to remind readers that philanthropy supports every moment of a BCD education.